I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
