absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
