I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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