i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
