her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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