Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
