hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
