The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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