I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
