Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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