We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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