Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
