So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
