The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
