i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
