The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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