remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
