I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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