Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
