hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
