2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
