My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
