oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
