As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize