The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
