Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
