I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
