On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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