Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
