It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
