I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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