He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
