is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
