Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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