How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
