My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
