Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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