I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
