dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
