My first STD was from a foam party
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
