Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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