I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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