Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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