chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
