Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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