Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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