Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
