Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize