considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Randomize
