I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize