The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
