I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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