So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
