So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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