i would punch a child for taco bell
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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