oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
pray to the hookup gods
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
