God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
