So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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