What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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