i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
