i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
